The Rules and Regulations of Hogwarts
by Mibamonster
Summary: "'You know, I could give you detention for this,' said Lily, without looking up from Human Transfigurations: When it Goes Wrong. James smirked and put down his quill. 'Evans, I've literally read every rule Hogwarts has – I don't think tapping the table is something I could get detention for.' " But then, Other things can get one into detention, as they soon find out. Jily fluff


_Tap, tap, tap_.

'You know, I could give you detention for this,' said Lily, without looking up from _Human Transfigurations: _ _When it goes wrong_.

James smirked and put down his quill 'Evans, I've literally read every rule Hogwarts has – I don't think tapping the table is something I could get detention for.' He looked at her until she glanced up, her eyes narrowed suspiciously.

'That's not how you use the word "literally",' she said. 'You can only do that if you've actually, literally read _every _rule in Hogwarts. That's what "literally" means. Please don't use it in a hyperbole.' Her hand still hovered over a passage in her essay, but she felt like maybe she needed a James-Potter shaped break. She had been working on the essay for what seemed like ages.

He placed a hand over his heart in mock horror. 'You don't think I'd abuse the English language like that, surely?'

'I put nothing past you.'

'Neither did Minerva – that's why I know all those rules.' At her inquisitive expression, he continued, 'Last year, Padfoot and I got in detention - '

'Big surprise there.'

'Very. Minerva thought – okay, she knew – that we'd probably make trouble again, so she had us copy the entire Hogwarts rules and regulations and then mark which rules we'd already broken and those we were planning on breaking…' He shrugged. 'Some of those rules make you wonder what Hogwarts was like back in the old days. Number 1263 was "Students are not allowed to transform other students into poultry for dinner."'

Lily wasn't sure whether that surprised her or not. 'Please tell me you didn't mark that one as one you were still going to do.'

'I didn't. Some of those were pretty clever ideas, though. I mean, sure, it's probably for the best that Prefects aren't allowed to use whips on students who haven't done their homework, but I wouldn't mind using fae dust once in a while…' He got a dreamy look in his eyes, but quickly snapped out of whatever reverie he was having. 'Anyway, in the 1876 edition of _the Rules and Regulation of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry_ it said nothing of tapping your foot meaning detention.' He held up his hands, as if to say, 'What can you do about it?'

Lily couldn't help but smile at his obvious self-satisfaction. 'Don't look so smug, Mr Potter. I think you forget that disturbing the order in the library _is _something that warrants detention. _Prefects Handbook_, chapter three: Crime and Punishment.' She leaned back in her chair, unaware that she looked at least as gloating as James did.

She almost fell out of her chair when, unexpectedly, someone else entered the conversation.

'Could the two of you be quiet, please?' a fourth year Hufflepuff asked. 'Some of us are trying to work.'

'Yes, Evans. I could give you detention for this,' said James gravely. 'Disturbing the order in the library warrants detention nowadays – didn't you know?'

'Oh, shut it.'

She returned to her essay, but despite the gruesome images she found in the books she used, she found it hard to stay focused. Even though she wanted to know what happened when someone had used a sea snail's shell instead of a freshwater snail's in their potion, her thoughts kept drifting off in an all too familiar direction. The couple of times she peeked at James, he was just working on his assignment, his messy hair standing in all directions from the times he'd run his hands through it in frustration. Somehow, even his messily knotted tie managed to be more interesting than a man who had two arms growing out of his stomach.

Just when she was being productive and taking some notes, James spoke up. 'Evans, I'm bored.'

'Then go do something.'

'But I want to do something with you. Come on.' He reached out over the table and closed her book. 'We've been here for hours. If we don't have fun, and _fast_, I might do something that will force you to give me detention.'

She rolled her eyes at him, but she did not reopen her book. 'Like tapping your foot? Or were you thinking of semi-cannibalistic transfigurations?'

'Whichever you prefer. Please, Evans.' Resting his chin on the table, he emulated the expression of an abandoned puppy. 'You know you've always wanted to know what first years taste like. And the only penalty for eating them is four to seventy days in the dungeons…'

For a couple of seconds, Lily pretended to contemplate the offer. 'Well, I guess that settles it, then.'

'Shall we go for chicken of pheasant?'

'I think that would depend on the character of our future dinner,' she said, as she started putting her stuff in her bag. 'Shall we just ask them what they'd most like to be? It seems reasonable to give them some kind of choice before we eat them.'

'See? This is why you were made a Prefect and I wasn't. You always think of other people's feelings.'

Swinging her bag over her shoulder, she made for the library's exit. It wasn't until they were outside that she said, in a normal volume, 'Is that why? I always thought it was because in fifth year you were physically incapable of following any rules whatsoever.'

'That might've played a small part in it as well. A small one, mind. The biggest problem was probably that I kept eating the younger students who looked like turkeys.'

'Oh, no, but all Prefects do that,' she said. 'It's part of the job. We have really naughty children for breakfast. Although usually not in the form of poultry, because _that's _against the rules.' She linked her arm through his. The warmth of his body made her want to jump him right then and there, but she controlled that urge. It was something she'd got used to lately, this unexpected horniness whenever James was near. 'So, Mr Potter, since you wanted to do something – whither are we going?'

Keeping one hand on his back, James straightened up and lifted his chin. When he spoke, his voice reminded Lily of her _very _proper great-uncle who always wore a monocle that matched his luxurious moustache. 'Why, Miss Evans, how lovely of you to ask. As you undoubtedly know, the best-tasting students are those who spend a lot of time outside, so what would you say of using this fine day to go to the lake and catch some dinner? Wouldn't that be jolly?'

'That sounds like an absolutely _splendid_ idea, darling.'

While they walked through the castle, they kept up their old-fashioned attitude, but the moment they got outside James's dignity disappeared and he was back to being a seventeen-year-old boy. Grinning, he dashed for the lake, dodging past younger students who were enjoying the nice November weather.

'Oi!' Lily called, as she started the chase. 'Potter, wait up!'

'You'll have to catch me, Evans!' he shouted over his shoulder. It almost caused him to trip, but he caught himself and continued running.

'Oh, I will,' she said to herself as she started to sprint. Her bag kept slamming into her hip and once or twice she almost bumped into someone, but she did catch up with James Potter. Together they closed the distance to the lake, where James, breathing heavily, sat down on the grass.

'Merlin, Evans. I didn't know you could run like that.'

She shrugged and joined him in the grass. 'I have a sister. She likes my clothes. It teaches you things.'

'So it would seem.' His chest heaving, James lay down spread-eagled and closed his eyes.

She shuffled a bit closer to him. For a while, they didn't say anything, but just enjoyed the soft breeze and sunshine that had been so rare these past few weeks. Lily started pulling out bits of grass while she gazed out over the school grounds and listened to the shouting of other students. 'You know, James…'

'Hmm?'

'We forgot to catch a second year.' She averted her eyes from a group of girls and looked at James instead. Even through his Hogwarts robes, she could admire the fine shape of his shoulders.

He nodded. 'I guess we did. Looks like we'll starve. What will we do now?'

Lily's heart was beating rapidly, but she didn't know if it was still from the running or from what she was about to do. 'I don't know. I guess I'll have to eat you instead.' She placed one hand next to his stomach and leaned over him, her hair falling into his face.

James opened his eyes wide, blinking rapidly behind his glasses. 'Are you sure, Evans?' he said, his cockiness just a bit less certain than usual.

She brushed her nose against his. 'Why wouldn't I be?'

'Nothing. It's just…' Somehow, his hands found the way to the space between her shoulder blades, and started moving downward in slow circles, making Lily's heart beat faster and faster. 'You know that indecent public displays of affection are against the rules since 1314? I mean…' He swallowed, losing a lot of his bravado. 'I could give you detention for this.'

Lily tried, and failed, to keep her breathing steady. 'Oh, but James, surely that's one of the rules you told Minerva you'd break?' Her lips were only millimetres above his. She could count the small green flecks in his hazel eyes, she smelled his cologne, she felt his breath on her face.

He nodded slowly. 'I did.' That tiny movement of his head was enough to make their lips touch. James's arms closed around Lily, pulling her closer to him, while she knotted her hands in his hair. _Finally_, a voice inside her head sighed, as Lily pressed her body against James's.

'I think this is worth a detention,' James said, when they stopped for air. He let out a shaky laugh and brushed a lock of hair from Lily's face. 'Yeah, definitely worth it.'

'Oh, that's good.'

Both Lily and James looked up at the sound of Remus's voice. He, Peter and Sirius were standing a couple of feet away, all looking like they were restraining themselves from laughter. Lily hung her head in annoyance, and underneath her, James groaned.

'Don't you know that public displays of affection like this are against the rules?' said Sirius. 'I'd expected better from you, Miss Evans.'

Lily glared at him. 'Hey, Sirius, have you ever heard about pots and kettles and calling each other black? How often have you been snogging girls in public? In fact, why don't you go do that now, somewhere that's not here?'

'And leave the two of you to your wanton ways?' he said.

'That's no way to bring order to this place,' said Remus. 'No, I'm afraid I have no other choice. I'm glad you thought this was worth a detention, Prongs – because I see myself obliged to give one to both of you. This behaviour cannot be tolerated.' He sounded so much like McGonagall, it was frightening.

'We are very disappointed,' Peter added.

'So am I,' said James, sullen.

Sirius grinned and tapped an imaginary hat. 'Then we've done our job. Catch you later, Prongs. And remember: no more making out in public spaces. Or our Prefect Mr Moony will have to give you detention _again_.'

Lily and James waited until the Marauders had left before they looked at each other again.

'So,' James said. 'I won't tell anyone about this rule breaking if you don't?'

She grinned and leaned in to kiss him again. 'Deal.'


End file.
